Now I’m 24.

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Today is my 24th b-day. All I can think is “When the hell did that happen?”

  • Buffy the vampire slayer is 15 years old. I remember the first night I watched it. I was in love from the start. A stylish girl who is a total bad-ass, what’s not to love? I was kind of an odd nerdy recluse. I rarely talked to anyone who wasn’t my family and I was so awkward it hurt. It was 1997 and I was 9 years old. I thought the Spice girls could save the world

    I actually owned this poster.

    (I have seen Spice World 203 times and still counting). I think that’s when I first realized that I wasn’t cool (well not yet anyway). You know how you spend a large portion of your childhood not understanding why people would ever not like what you liked? You hadn’t fully grasped the concept of opinions, so naturally yours is the only one that made any sense. I always knew who I wanted to be, but I had no clue what that even meant yet. I thought my 5th grade teacher was the coolest person I’d ever know. She was 23 fresh out of college and the wore the cutest clothes. What if last year I was teaching a 5th grade class? I could never handle that pressure. I wonder what happened to her? I wonder what happened to Ms.LaMonto?

It’s so weird to have my childhood be 2 decades old. When people mention the 90’s, I automatically think “oh, yeah 10 years ago”. Sometimes I still expect to turn on the t.v and see toonami playing. But, I wake up and realize that the only way I could do that is to watch it on my laptop. It’s crazy how much time I spend using technology. When  I was 6 I was watching my sister type a paper on a typewriter. When I was13, I thought I wanted to be a writer and start my own zine. I guess my blog is close enough…

  • The Lion king is 18 years old. It was the first movie I ever saw in theaters.I was 6 years old and it changed my life. It was the first time I actually understood what was going on in a movie and at the time I was a daddy’s girl. When Mufasa died, I yelled his name at top of my lungs in the theater in despair. (It was also the first time I remember being embarrassed.) I already had my life planned out. By the time I was 23 I wanted to be a fire fighting Power Ranger with 3 Olympic medals. Well, I guess plans change… I was obsessed with super heroes. I watched x-men religiously. I thought batman was the coolest. I loved that he used innovation and creativity to make himself super. I was smarter than I knew. Sometimes, I was too smart for my own good. I watched Jurassic Park on VHS that year. The moment I watched I knew I was totally in love with film. I thought I knew a lot of things. I always wanted to know more.

    Jurassic Park is also the first time I laid my eyes on Jeff Goldblum. I’ve been in love ever since.

Sometimes, I have this false sense of maturity. I feel “now that I’m ___ years old” I can’t act like that anymore. Sometimes I think I’m too mature for everything. A wise woman once told me ” Maturity isn’t not simply not doing childish things. Maturity is knowing when it’s appropriate to do or say any childish thought  that runs through your head. Maturity is socialization” Being the world oldest undergrad, I sometimes forget that I’m not actually old. In fact, I’m still Very young. It’s a dangerous thing to forget. I think too many people forget.

  • I was so in love with him. I thought he was singing my angsty soul.

    Morning View by the band Incubus is 11 years old. I almost played a hole in that CD. I was 13 years old. I had just realized all the reasons why I was uncool. Well… at least I thought I did. There were a million things I wanted to change about myself. The last thing I would ever call myself was pretty. I wore my clothes 2 sizes too big, I always slouched, and I pretty much thought I hated the human race (welcome to being a teenager!). I just started Harry Potter (I was late because I thought I was too cool for it) but once I started reading that’s the moment I gave up trying to be cool. It turns it out, when you don’t try to be cool you totally are cool. I started making real friends. But, man did I hate school. I felt like I was in jail. Hell, sometimes I still do feel like I’m collegiate prison. From the age of 13-18 I struggled to like myself. Looking back on it now, it seemed Like a complete waste of time. You have so much more fun when you think you’re awesome.

I sometimes pride myself on everything I’ve learned and then I get immediately terrified when I realize how much I still have to learn. I look back on my teenage years and think “why was such a bitch?”. At the time I thought I knew everything in the world. It’s scary to think about how much I don’t now. It’s terrifying to know that my future self will probably say “What a dumbass I was when I was when I was 24”. I guess all I can do is keep collecting memories.

Happy B-day to me!

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